5 Steps to Keeping Order a Small Group Setting
This is mainly a challenge for younger groups, especially the boys. While a certain amount of distractions are to be expected for this age group, it is important not to let things get out of hand. We need to teach kids to honor God's word and the value of processing it with a community of believers. Follow these 5 steps (two C's and three R's) and you'll be well on your way to have a group that knows and stays within appropriate behavioral boundaries.
1. Clarity
You've got to be clear on the purpose of the group and the expectations for your time together. Be specific and give them clear cues. For example, when you're ready to transition from a time of hanging out to a time of bible study, tell them every week what is about to happen and the behavior you expect from them. Have someone pray out loud as a way of marking the transition from goofy to serious.
You also need to be clear up front about the consequences that will follow if your expectations are not met. Remind them regularly about the "Three R's" that you'll see listed below.
2. Consistency
Once you're clear about how things should be, you have to be consistent to ensure that you get the results you're hoping for. "First time, every time" is a good rule to follow. If you ask someone to stop doing something, you should expect them to respond the first time you ask and every time you ask. If they don't, you need to be ready to impose consequences with consistency. Be gentle and kind, but you've got to let them know who is in control. If you're inconsistent, they will walk all over you.
3. Request
If someone does something out of line, the first thing you should do is request that they change the inappropriate behavior. Along with this request, inform them that next time they misbehave, they will be re-seated beside you (like a child) and if they continue, your next step will be to remove them from the room. You don't want to have to do this but will have to for the sake of the group.
4. Re-Seat
If you have a repeat offense, do not make a second request. The whole group needs to know that you mean business. Your next step is to kindly re-seat them next to you so that you can keep an eye on them.
You don't want to be a pushover but you also don't want to appear mean. Be sure the group and the individual know that you don't enjoy enforcing rules but that you are doing so because you really believe the discussion is important and you don't want anything to ruin it. You can apologize for having to do it but don't back down.
5. Remove
This is the worst. If a kid continues to disrupt the group, you will need to ask them to go into the other room. If you have two leaders, one may go with them to keep them company. Be certain to have a follow up conversation with them afterward and make sure they understand why they were sent out. Tell them that you aren't mad at them and that you care about them and that you hope they will come back and benefit from future discussions.
Showing posts with label Challenges. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Challenges. Show all posts
Leaders Toolbox #6
5 Steps for Dealing with Conflict within Your Group
1. Expect it.
Conflict surrounded Jesus during his ministry…and he was God. It's coming your way. Paul and Barnabas had conflict and had to separate. If the guy nicknamed “encouragement” and the guru of theology are going to disagree…guess what? Kids will too (And so will you). Expect it to be part of your ministry and leadership.
2. Watch For It.
All behavior has meaning. Every move our students make is telling you something important about the condition of your flock. While teens certainly struggle to verbally express how they feel, their actions and behaviors are communicating what is going on in their world. Always be on the lookout for signs of conflict between your students.
3. Prepare Them For It.
Your students should hear from you that conflict is a normal thing that we all face. They should also know that there are healthy ways to deal with conflict that both glorify God and bring peace to our relationships. Let kids know that you expect conflict, you're watching for it, and you're ready to help them deal with it. Share with them stories of how you're working through conflicts in your own life.
4. Walk Them Through It
Kids will tell you about a problem that they have with someone else and then expect you to handle it for them. Don't try to solve conflict on behalf of your students. Students need to "own" their part in the conflict and the resolution. Take the students to Watermark's "Peacemaker's Pledge" resource from the Lord of the Rings Series and help them prepare to get face to face and know what to do once they're there.
5. Follow It Up
Tensions rarely disappear after one round. Check in with students that have struggled with conflict to see how they are doing at maintaining peace in their relationships.
1. Expect it.
Conflict surrounded Jesus during his ministry…and he was God. It's coming your way. Paul and Barnabas had conflict and had to separate. If the guy nicknamed “encouragement” and the guru of theology are going to disagree…guess what? Kids will too (And so will you). Expect it to be part of your ministry and leadership.
2. Watch For It.
All behavior has meaning. Every move our students make is telling you something important about the condition of your flock. While teens certainly struggle to verbally express how they feel, their actions and behaviors are communicating what is going on in their world. Always be on the lookout for signs of conflict between your students.
3. Prepare Them For It.
Your students should hear from you that conflict is a normal thing that we all face. They should also know that there are healthy ways to deal with conflict that both glorify God and bring peace to our relationships. Let kids know that you expect conflict, you're watching for it, and you're ready to help them deal with it. Share with them stories of how you're working through conflicts in your own life.
4. Walk Them Through It
Kids will tell you about a problem that they have with someone else and then expect you to handle it for them. Don't try to solve conflict on behalf of your students. Students need to "own" their part in the conflict and the resolution. Take the students to Watermark's "Peacemaker's Pledge" resource from the Lord of the Rings Series and help them prepare to get face to face and know what to do once they're there.
5. Follow It Up
Tensions rarely disappear after one round. Check in with students that have struggled with conflict to see how they are doing at maintaining peace in their relationships.
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